So after much prodding from friends, I’ve decided to start my own blog. Here are some things you can expect that I will discuss:
1) My brain tumor. Actually it’s a pituitary tumor. Ok, you can feel sorry for me for a minute, but then enough already. It’s not that bad.
People hear I have a brain tumor and they’re all “Aw, shit. That sucks. You dyin’?” People hear I have a pituitary tumor and they’re all “What the frack is that?” I will continue to proclaim that it is a brain tumor until my very last friend refuses to do me any favors.
So I had to get an MRI and I’ll have to get one probably every 6 months for the rest of my life. FUN! It was hella weird getting shoved into a metal tube and listening to all the clicking and clacking (it was kind of musical, actually… I wanted to get jiggy with it. I don’t think people get jiggy with it anymore. I wonder why not.) Luckily I had Xanax in my system. After 15 minutes I damn near fell asleep in there. Here’s my MRI.
I don’t even know exactly where the tumor is. It’s in my head! Who cares where!
2) Being a Black Jew. Yes I am one. Sort of. I was adopted and didn’t actually spring forth from a Jewish womb, but my Jewwy mom adopted me when I was three months old, and from what I hear there are two ways to be a Jew: Have a Jewwy mom, or convert. My mom’s a reformed Jew so that makes me about as Jewish as Whoopi Goldberg. I claim more Jewishness than Lenny Kravitz because his mom was a negro and his dad was Jewwy which makes him decidedly non-Jewish if you ignore his Jewwy last name. Maybe I should change my last name to Gandivitz and arm wrestle Lenny Kravitz.
My parents looking very regal, dontcha think?
A star of David. DUH. Have some gefilte fish and get Jewwy with it.
Taken soon after they picked my black ass out at the orphanage. Behold my dad’s ‘fro.
3) My dog. His name is Nate Dogg and he rolls deep, son. I saved him from death row at a shelter 6 years ago, and now he won’t stop following me around. “Bacon? You got bacon. I like bacon.”
Nate Dogg is in the mutha-effin’ house.
4) Proper Grammar. Proper spelling. Yes, I love it. I hate that people have lost respect for it. I have been accused of kissing up to Great Britain and speaking “Queen’s English”. Well, if kissing the Queen’s ass is wrong, I don’t wanna be write. Heh.
I do. It may annoy you, but it’s a fact of life.
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brilliant. you should write a book.
thanks! i’m actually considering a jewish soul food cookbook with anecdotes about my life or my stories about my stupid observations!
I stole your “I judge you when you use poor grammar” image. Don’t kill me in the face.
I also only speak and write in the Queen’s English (Its the correct and *only* way, after all.) Everyone is pretty used to it by now. Although, my last job had a hell of a time with me writing dates. “Its 26/11/07? What?” Rookies.
mae-
i’d never kill you in the face. i stole that image from a group on facebook anyway!
stm,
i have a prolactinoma…is that what you have?
i had been lactating and amenorrheal, when i saw the doctor. my fiance and i definitely didn’t want kids. he told me that i had a brain tumor. i was like ‘great’! and then he said it would always be bothersome, but benign. i said, “even better!”
oh, and yeah, cosign on that sympathy thing.
yes, i have a prolactinoma. microplactinoma, to be exact. i was amenorrheal before i went to acupuncture (the needles and herbs cured me within FOUR DAYS) lucky enough that i wasn’t lactating though. basically, i’m stuck in the first trimester of pregnancy (the worst part).
pretty awesome, huh.
how do i know you, souldecirce? (stereohyped or mollygood, maybe?)
yes, i’ve noticed your posts at both those sites. i’m a silent, but no less angry, member of your anti-Montag/Pratt/Conrad army!
hey soul-
thanks for reading. and on mg, you said bjork is brilliant. you’re so very right.
You just may be my Jewwy long lost sister.
Pickles- L’chaim!
L’chaim! And also l’occitane!
Word.