Well, people. The miraculous has occurred.
I haz halogen light bulbz.
My apartment is 99.9% halogen light bulbs. Does that make me elitist?
I woke up this morning in a Bad Mood. Going to Home Depot is not my idea of Good Times. But it had to be done. I went through my apartment and removed all the fixtures, removed all the bulbs and wrapped them gently in a piece of tissue, and then violently tossed the tissue into my purse followed by my iPhone, my blackberry, and a couple of heavy rocks, daring the bulbs to break in my purse and perhaps cut my finger and give me one more reason to hate them with everything i am.
After I had removed all of the bulbs, I surveyed my bulb collection. I noticed that each fixture required a different size of bulb. “What is this sorcery!?!” I thought to myself. Actually, I didn’t think that. What I thought was, “What the fuck!?!?”
Anyway. Long story longer, I went to Home Depot. And then went to another Home Depot. And 60 dollars and eleventy hours later, I had purchased all the bulbs I needed.
The Great Light Bulb Crisis of 2008 has thus ended. And with that, I leave you with a few old school light bulb-related jokes. Being an Oberlin graduate, I can attest to the veracity of the second joke.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three–One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two—one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven—one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None—Hanover doesn’t have electricity.
How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two–One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six–one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None–New Haven looks better in the dark.
How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One–he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
five –one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven–One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.
How many Wellesley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
The whole student body–girls can’t do anything right.
How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, dude.
How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four–One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American University students.
How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A whole frat–but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.
How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two–One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student.
How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight–It’s not that one isn’t smart enough to do it, it’s just that they’re all violently twitching from too much stress.
How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thirteen–One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.
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my carbon footprint is size 6 junior’s
So, does this mean we get a new battle in 2009?
i can only hope a new battle is waiting in the wings. perhaps drawer knobs?
and tis true, new haven DEFINITELY looks better in the dark.
You can haz tag!
http://shrimppoboyora.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-can-haz-tag.html
the lightbulbs are regrouping. they’ll be back. they always come back.