There is currently a battle being waged for the very foundation of our civilization and for the fabric of our society. That’s right, people. I’m talking about those crazy men who want to marry one another and be legally recognized as partners. Or those crazy women who want to do the same.
Do these hands look gay to you? They look pretty gay to me.
When will it end? How will we, as a society, carry on? This is more than just an issue about values and religion and the Bible saying that homosexicality is WRONG. (The Bible also says that we are not to work on the Sabbath (thank you lord… everyone knows that the Sabbath is for drinking and football). The Bible also says that touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean (darnit, lord! how am I supposed to drink and watch football on the Sabbath, then? Must I become British and start watching soccer?).
I refuse to watch a sport that does not involve a ball made of bacon.
No, this is not simply about religious values, people. This is an issue of national security. It is a well-known fact that homosexuals are not really people like you and me. Rather, they are a group of deviants. Evil doers. People who love *gasp* OTHER PEOPLE. But here’s a little known fact–they are undead. Their insides are on the outside. And they have red beady eyes…. with LASERS. Yes. LASERS.
Even Hillary Clinton is shocked and awed: “LASER GAYS!? ZOMG!”
If we allow them to marry, they will promptly take over the universe, vaporizing everything in sight with laser-like precision.
Alas, there is not much that can be done about Laser Gays. We do not yet have the technology. Perhaps if we stop being such idiotic bigots, and stop wielding religion as a weapon to promote intolerance, and instead afford gays and lesbians the same rights that we, as heterosexuals, afford ourselves, we can seek out the Laser Gays and form a coalition. We can ask them to teach us how we can become Laser Straights. Or Laser Bisexuals. Or Laser Transsexuals. Or Laser Asexuals. Or Laser Morrissey. We can put a laser in the eyes of every man, woman, and child in the world.
No, I don’t wonder if I am gay. But I do wonder why I don’t have a laser.
Let’s work together. We *must* work together. Why? Because I have it on good authority that the Laser Gays are going Nookyular. And if there is one thing worse than Laser Gays… it’s NOOKYULAR GAYS.
Run for the Hills! Heidi Montag will save us!
VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 8.
Vote No. Nobody likes a bigot.
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homosexicality is WRONG! Wordy McWord!
wowaweewa. i can’t even respond, except with that.
OMG! I’MMA CHAAAGGIN’ MAH LAZOR! I have to defend myself from the likes of Heidi, Spencer, and Richard Simmons. Especially Richard Simmons in that picture he did nude of himself and some dang’d vegetebulls.
OMG, my reactor core is melting, saveee mee!!
I WANT A LAZORRRRRRR.
I want a lazer so bad I will be a Mooninite if I have to. Or I will be Lazer Wolf from Fiddler on the Roof. I will get in where I fit in.
There is a rally against Prop 8 this weekend…just as an FYI:
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/pol/897019507.html
And…per usual, I totally cracked up.
ZOMG! I’M GOING TO A LASER GAY RALLY!!!
(thanks jennae, sar, MBP, jangles, and nuh nuh nuh nuh evil twin.)