Y’all, the best thing has happened. I’ve managed to combine two of my favorite things into one glorious decadent activity.
Eating chocolate.
This is what I look like when I’m eating chocolate. If I were white. And 33 years younger.
and
Showering.
This is what I look like when I’m showering. If I were white. And about to be stabbed to death.
Yes, it’s a little weird to proclaim that one of my favorite things to do is shower. It’s actually not. Not even close. But I’m the author here, and I’m allowing myself creative license for the purposes of this story. Keep reading. You’ll understand.
So the other weekend I was hanging out at Fred Segal on Melrose in the bath and beauty area. I was buying Kiehl’s body lotion, if you must know, and one of the sales associates came over to me and asked if I needed help. “Nope.” He says, “Well, have you tried these products?” (persistent little bugger). “Nope.”
“Well, it’s edible chocolate body scrub.”
“Say WHA!?!?!?!?”
Shocked monkey. Yeah, I said it.
The sales associate escorts me to the magical place where one can eat body scrub. It was right next to the lipstick. Who would’ve thunk it?
He opens up the tester tub and says, “Smell it.” I smell it. Holy crap. It smells like gourmet chocolate from… from… some place that makes really good gourmet chocolate! France? Belgium? Scranton? I don’t know!! Smelled delicious.
“Here, try some.”
“No. I’m not going to eat it. You can’t be serious.”
“No it’s really good! See?” And he takes a little fingerful.
“No way. That’s nuts.” But not one to back down when someone offers me food, I greedily stick my finger in the tub and stick it in my mouth. Holy crap! It tastes like gourmet chocolate from Belgium or Scranton or wherever the good stuff comes from!
Breakfast.
SOLD. 22 dollars.
Not only does this stuff smell amazing, and taste even better, it is also 100% organic and 100% vegan, which I am very excited about because I’m positive this will complement a New York strip steak with a side of scrambled eggs quite nicely. Delicious.
People, I’ve taken showering to a whole new level.
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Do they make a version with weed in it?
clovis- yes, but i think it’s only available in amsterdam.
Hooray, a new post!
Wait, why don’t they just make a New York Strip one? Cause I would totally shower with THAT. Oh, stupid vegans are ruining my life.
s- yum. new york strip steak body scrub and maybe a mashed potato moisturizer.
Man, I have a gingerbread body scrub…only I don’t think I’m supposed to eat it. I feel gypped.
I’m not sure I wanna wash in something that makes me smell like chocolate though. Walking through the mall could be dangerous after that.
Then again, if smelling like food is a good way to attract people, maybe I ought to look into some A-1 sauce perfume…
have you tried eating kfc in the shower? now, that would a noteworthy post..<~ I KID! i have to say that this scrub was definitely worthy of eating. it smelled so good. by the way, where in the hell did you find that monkey pix?
What struck me most about the post was part of that dude’s sales pitch was having people dip their germy fingers in the scrub and taste it?! Doesn’t seem quite sanitary. Still, I hope to visit you soon gandywoman, just so I can take a shower!
i-
i have sent you an explanation.
actually i sent you the same message twice now. once on saturday. once today. hope you’re doing ok.
waaaai wai wai – vegan? you mean, no milk either???? YAAAAAY! wait, i”m broke.
i”ll be saying this in a few years – YAAAAAAAY!
I just came over from the comments at Mollygood to say hello, and I now 1) love your blog, and 2) cannot get over the awesomeness of the edible body scrub. Huuuuuungryyyyyyy…
sar- i’ve eaten more than i’ve actually used to make my skin all shiny and scrubby.
em- thanks for stopping by! you really oughtta get some. it’s delicious. i tried the strawberry one the other day. plus there’s a lemon vanilla cream one that is probably yum.
You still up? I miss you girl.
STM, I’m totally registering for this scrub. PASS.
Of course I wouldn’t eat it all BEFORE it made it’s way to the shower. Yeah, right.
hey kat, thanks for stopping by! loved the palin rant.
Reporting for duty, sir!
Uh, Miss.
Get BeA. That is all. Work it.
hannah is being pretty racialist when she asks if you have kfc’d in the shower… imo.
that bitch. never liked her shifty chinky eyes anyway.
s-
like david brent, i hate racialism!!